I believe that God is patient.
Someone once shared that a guy needs to make a move on a girl quick. Or else the girl would have moved on to another guy. One argument is that ‘Oh, God’s timing is perfect’ and if she is the one, she’ll break up with the other guy and come back. Another argument is that if a guy is slow or fearful or is oblivious to her, he’s not worth keeping anyways. I don’t disagree with either. Nor do I agree with any of those statements. I do believe that God has perfect timing. And I also do believe that a guy does have to make a move. But…. I don’t think those are defining of what love is in any way. Or a good lover choosing system. That’s not how God works. I’m not gonna pretend that I’m a love expert, or even a God expert.
But do think I know what God says about a bride and bridegroom. Years ago, and I mean really many years ago, I believe God instituted arranged marriage. It can’t possibly be a perfect system, because we people aren’t perfect. And letting people decide who you love? Uggh… Gives you the shivers huh? But that’s because people’s view of ‘freedom’ is so distorted now. Everything is all about ‘self’ now. That’s why we always ask people not to ‘judge’ us; because we’re ‘supposed’ to be making mistakes. Seriously, there are a lot of flaws with that view. Anyways, as I was saying, marriage used to be arranged. But, here’s the thing. I would actually agree with that system for a few reasons.
One thing about the arranged marriage that I totally whole-heartedly believe in is that both the bride and groom doesn’t use their time to ‘look’ and ‘test’ people out, but instead uses their time and energy to PREPARE themselves for when the time comes. Some of you agree that we have to be ready. A lot of us have had break-ups because we weren’t ready. But one thing you don’t see, is that, the only way we can BE ready, is to READY ourselves. NOT by trying out, or testing people. Or ‘experiencing love’. You know, breaking up really uses up a lot of energy and emotions, and we also use time to recover.
I know that I have to be responsible to be ready when the TIME comes. The type of girl I want to marry is one who has spent her life preparing to be married to the bridegroom who has spent his life preparing to be married to that type of girl. And I can’t marry her if I’m not ready can I? Time is annoying. We can’t control it. We can’t go back in time. We can’t linger in the present. And we can’t see what is to come. Worse thing about time though? We’ve figured it all out, Seriously, but we still act as though we have no idea how time works. We make the same mistakes. We try to capture the moment. AND We don’t prepare ourselves for what is to come. Man, we humans are dumb. The best thing I can give my future spouse, is the best of me. Edges roughed. Smart. Experienced. Able. Close to God. I want to be on an adventure that I can bring her with me. I want to be able to be lead by God easily so that I can lead her. I want to be the best me so I can give her the best love. I don’t want the best her to ‘fit’ me and ‘match’ me and to ‘love me in all my weaknesses…’ and blah blah blah.
Since I mentioned ‘testing’ people out earlier, I have one thing to say. This dating culture is a really self glorifying system. It’s all about ‘ME’. And how I can find what’s good for me. I mean, okay, it is good to search for what’s good for us, and what fills that emptiness in our hearts. But we’re searching for it in all the wrong places. And the world is telling us that they’ve figured it out, but their solution to love drives people down foxholes. Foxholes where both parties get hurt and scarred and weak and in need of recovery. And then, the world provides a solution for recovery that drives people down even deeper foxholes that do the same thing. Sigh. I’m sorry if my post isn’t really getting anywhere. Let me try to explain. Being so obsessed with self is really bad for health. Mentally, emotionally, physically and even spiritually. It makes us make all sorts of bad decisions, that we’ll regret later. Problem with the world today, we don’t know we’re obsessed with ourselves, because it’s the norm. Hmmm. Ask me why I think this next time we meet. So, let’s take the ‘me’ out of dating, and I think dating can be a super good thing. Whatever we do, love. Not expect love. But give. That’ll make any one on one time a really lovely place to be.
In fact, if I was charged to arrange the marriage of my child, I would like him or her, to actually go out on dates with this potential in law. Because the centered attention time does open people up in ways that group activities can’t. And well, I would actually like my daughter’s view of this gentleman, before I hand her over to be wed. But here’s another thing I like about the arranged marriage system. Is that the parent is the one who does the filtering of who has a chance and who doesn’t. This saves a lot of emotional, mental, physical, and spiritual damage for the likes of you and me. Seriously, if I had a girl at the age of 16 who told me I didn’t know anything about love, I would consider sending her to a logic therapist. Just because an adult didn’t go through what you’re going through, doesn’t mean he doesn’t understand the danger of what you’re doing. All adults have friends who have fallen into the same temptation, trouble, or, well… love… that you are facing. And if that isn’t enough, they can actually give an out of the box, logical, mature point of view. Youth now don’t want to trust parents or teachers or pastors, sometimes just adults in general. They feel that the ‘generational gap’ keeps the two sides from seeing at eye level. Well, this ‘generational gap’ is actually what keeps the youth dumb and the adults saying ‘I told you so’. If I was charged with the marriage of my son, I would make a list of qualities I’d want to see in that girl, and actually keep to that list. Most of us have lists already. And these lists are always pretty spot on with what should be. But… we never remember that list, do we? It’s good to have an adult or two we can trust to keep us in check. And also keep us alive, emotionally.
Also, on another level. If I did a good job preparing myself for marriage, and if my parents were good parents, protecting me and teaching me good ways, I’m sure lots of parents would want their daughters to be candidates for a spouse eh? And if you took to loving instead of looking for love, the candidates themselves would come to you too. I’m serious, that’s the logic of nature.
So, prepare yourself for your bride or bridegroom. Time can be your friend. Let love be an outward action, not an expectation. You can trust adults, especially those who gave up their lives to love you even before having a single clue about who you are or how you’d turn out.
I personally think God’s system sound a lot more logical than the world’s ’emotional’ ‘selfish’ system (You can disagree of course, this is personal opinion). Love has never been about emotions. Emotion is just the dessert. So it should come afterwards. Not before. And it should make the meal taste wonderful and complete. Not kill the taste even before it starts. Okay fine, that’s not a 100% an accurate analogy, because surely there is emotion throughout the friendship/courtship/marriage course. But I hope you know what I mean about not letting emotion be the main meal or the reason for a love relationship.
Anyways. My dad asked me to sleep. I know right.
To close, I shall make a dry toast. Dry, because I have no liquid to drink with. But a toast nonetheless.
Here’s to you, my lady to whom I may have the honor of marrying one day. I do not have a clue who you are. But I believe Time is my friend, and that he’ll whisper your name to me when God lets him.
Heck, I think he’ll whisper to my parents, mentors, and spiritual buddies too, just in case.
Thanks God for teaching me to trust people to judge me. Because they are also the ones who will judge me well, and judge well of me.
There is hope. We can be fixed. 