Social Situation #1
so i have this natural tendency to just tear myself away from a group of friends or from a conversation when it becomes socially awkward for me.
i will just retreat or look for someone else to talk to, or just find some other way to entertain myself when it becomes awkward.
or at least, when i THINK its awkward.
i have friends who get mushy-mushy with each other and act soooo… like… lovey-dovey…
i will be quite repulsed and just walk away.
or when someone is like trying to act so caring and try to impress someone else.
i can think of gross things to say.
and when i feel like there is no way anything i say next is going to be positive or edifying,
i just walk away.
i just cant take it.
its something i dislike.
it makes me feel like some sort of intruder to this romantic relationship that i dont understand.
i just dont see it.
it works either way.
whether its the guy trying to impress a girl, or when a girl is trying to impress a guy.
i will move aside.
i dont like to look like i want to gain attention from this girl whom other guys are trying to gain attention from as well.
Social Situation #2
nt only that, i feel uncomfortable making new friends.
making new acquaintances, i’m ok.
but making new friends (i’m not like my sis or my dad)…
i’m not really as sociallable as some people think.
in fact, if you really hang with me alot, and actually like, live with me (like classmates or real good church friends),
you’ll see my true colours.
i dont feel comfortable making new friends, especially if its not my own initiative.
for example, when my sis forces me make friends with her friends (just because she gets along with my friends just fine, she thinks i can do it easily).
also, when my friends introduce me to their new boyfriends or girlfriends (it’s like, “oh i know you’ll get along so well”).
i mean. i’m okay with the idea of me making friends.
it’s just, i can’t be forced into it you know.
sometimes i find it harder when that certain friend of a friend is so interested to make friends with me.
(like those people who are super friendly and love making new friends)
i really dunno why, they can make me uncomfortable.
but of course, i know that in the long run, it will be better to make friends.
so i do.
i do allow people to introduce their new interests to me.
i do make an effort to make friends with my sis’s friends.
i do stick around to try to make friends with overly-friendly people.
i mean, honestly, i HAVE made good friends this way.
and i HAVE been blessed by great people this way too.
for example, C married a man named J (true story bro), and i feel quite uncomfortable around him.
and C is a close close friend.
but because i love C, i need to love J too. and i allow myself.
now, he’s a great great friend who inspires me to be better.
i have made great friends this way.
its just that i dislike that uncomfortable feeling.
and i fear that my discomfort can be seen.
but as a conclusion i can say that i’m only afraid of the social discomfort,
but i’m not BAD or react wrongly at these social discomfort.
but the fear is still quite strong haha.
so another close friend of mine is praying for her ex-boyfriend.
and in fact, i did too.
i’ve never met him before.
so one day she announced to me that he will be visiting our church service.
wow. i was… shocked.
i didnt know why.
i got a cold+dilemma+fear.
what if i just retreat from him?
what if i cant really feel comfortable making friends with him?
yet i wanted to make friends and make a good impression because i’m sure she’d want me too.
and as a christian, we have to be friendly to people.
but just like the mushy-mushy thing i explained above, i’m afraid i will just dislike that social situation and just find an excuse to leave.
yet i think my fear is holding me back more than my actual ability to make friends.
i wish i could just make friends with people no matter who they are.
easily and without over-thinking and without over-feeling.
Social Situation #3
like i said, im a coward in social situations.
and sometimes, i really really dunno how to react.
so, before the social situation even occurs, i retreat.
my mind will play all these possible scenarios (my brain can work really really quick) and when there is a high possibility a social situation may occur, i will make sure i wont be around to experience it or need to react to it.
i tell u the truth.
i love adventure and i love the thrill of doing crazy things.
but i hate hate hate the game Truth or Dare.
because its a bad social situation both for truth and for dare.
i fear it.
i detest it.
Social Situation #4
also, i will retreat from anything to do with personal pain or hurt (not the physical types).
everytime someone tells me that they dont have a dad or mom, or when someone tells me someone has passed away, i just freeze.
for example, recently (just yesterday actually), i asked a kid how tall his dad is.
he responded with “do you know what happened to my parents?!”
i was shocked.
i couldnt respond because the first thoughts that went through my head were
“they died in a car accident and now he’s an orphan”
or “his dad died and his mom is now a drunk”
or “his parents ditched him in a ditch when he was 5”
but i just sat there. i couldnt respond.
conversation within the group continued from somewhere we left off earlier.
but i had nothing to say till he left.
(i later found out that his dad left his family when he was young)
when i feel like i touched someones sensitive point, i will just lock up and shut up.
my urge will be to retreat and go think about something else.
hoping that person will forget i asked or brought the topic up.
i sometimes dont even apologise.
i just dont want the topic to even be touched.
unless they are close friends, then i will feel abit more comfortable to venture into this topic.
this is a fear i’ve had.
i dunno what sort of fear that is.
it’s just that i dislike these sort of social situation.
and actually, its not good.
i’m not solving anything by shutting up or just running off.
in fact, im making it feel more awkward for that person or persons.
and i need to learn to be straight forward.
and i need to learn to not be too weirded out.
and i need to learn to be more patient with people who makes awkward situations that make me have to walk away.
i dunno what else i need.
Lord guide me.