Three Sad Emoji Worthy Thoughts I Had Between Yesterday And Now

Any position I lie down on seems to hurt. Gosh. When is this fever really gonna leave me?


You know, I really hate that I ‘need’ to outsmart people before they outsmart me. In this money-centered dog-eat-dog world. 

I’m just glad that the Forever that I’m going to be living in has no such company or organisation. Or people.


I miss reading comics and novels.


Hey friends, that’s you. Things may get a bit more hectic this year. I’m gonna be changing my job starting Feb. Interesting transition. I’ve only been offered about two and a half weeks ago. And I decided last week. Sent my resignation letter to my current boss the moment I decided. Of course, as with any kind of change I’m faced with, I have this deep inner fear from my stomach that comes up and crawls under my skin. I’m not kidding. It feels like that. Always. Especially when I have to do something important. Changing a job is an important event. Anyway, I hope I do well there. It’s one step up my ‘corporate life ladder’. Which always means more responsibility and more stress and more focus needed. Focus? GAH. I’m gonna try my best anyway. I will make mistakes and forget stuff and make a fool of myself. But I have to remind myself what I’ve recently reminded a dear friend of mine, to be successful is to fail and to try and try again.

I hope you’re rocking your life.

If not, take courage and make the best out of what you have! Bring God with you.


To Be, Or Not To Be What You Wanted To Be


Did your kindergarten school teacher ask you what you’d like to be when you grew up? Mine did. I wrote down in my book (actually, I’m pretty sure my mom wrote it for me, cuz I couldn’t spell it) that I wanted to be a surgeon. That was my first ambition. Then, I wanted to be a scientist. An inventor to be exact. Down the line, I desired to be a comedian, an actor, a writer, a business man, a spy, a soldier, a librarian, a director, a mathematician, a tutor, and a power ranger. And I’ve even considered being politician and a pastor. I realise now that I have a pretty whacked childhood imagination.

It’s fun to grow up, find out my strengths and weaknesses (with this I cross out probability of most of my ambitions), and see doors open and doors shut, and even being thrust into some doors I never would imagine would open. For example, I’m a musician now more than most of those ambitions I’ve ever had. And I’ve never thought of being a musician.

It’s cool how God puts me on a path to finding myself. The real me. The me that God planned for long long time ago. It’s even cooler to realise that God is probably the one who placed those crazy ambitions on my heart in the first place. Because, I honestly see myself doing a little bit of all those ambitions I had now. Though I don’t qualify as a professional in any area now. But I know that God will use me and continue to mold me (not mold me THEN use me, mind you) into that perfect creation He planned in His original ‘Blueprint of Aaron Heng’.

I just have to allow it to happen and not mess it up too bad. No pressure.

RSS Feeds + Random Thoughts


For those of you who hasn’t fully realised it yet, it’s October. Beginning of the 4th quarter of 2013. Congratulations for those of you who have survived with me so far.


Anyways, first thing I’d like to rant about today is my WordPress RSS feed reader. For your information, an RSS feed is where I can follow updates by blogs, websites, or news, or whatever.

rss-buttonsSo, I use my WordPress Reader. All new posts or updates from blogs and websites I follow are supposed to appear on it. But I tell you, it’s slow. What I mean by that is that, 1st of all, it doesn’t appear immediately when updated. That’s actually okay. I don’t really mind as much. Except that some posts get MISSED! And then appear later on. Which means, yesterday I’ve scrolled through and read through my updates, let’s say I see 5 blog posts. But today, when I open my reader, I noticed that I’ve missed TWO posts. So there were supposed to be SEVEN posts yesterday. That’s a real inconvenience, since I’ll have to scroll through previous days just to see if I’ve missed some feeds. GOSH. WordPress, please create a more powerful reader tool. Thank you.



Secondly, I’d like to update you about my job status. Looking for a job is easy. I have lots of places resources to find out who’s looking for suitable candidates to fill up vacancies. Applying is a lot of work, but not a problem. No, the problem is that companies are not replying me! They aren’t even telling me if I failed to get the job! Come on. But keep praying for me people. Thanks. I believe God has a good plan for me.



Next, I shall talk about a nightmare I had. It wasn’t much of a nightmare, more like a scary dream. But yet it wasn’t really a scary dream, just a scary type of dream. Get my drift? It was about a trip. To the beach? (I put a question mark because my dreams are full of question marks. I have no idea why or what things are in my dream LOL.) I think it was a rocky / sandy / cave-y sort of beach. Yeah, there were caves. I think we camped in one. LOL. Hmmm… come to think of it, I think we started out as a normal camp. We were camping in wooden houses. And we went to the beach. And then camped there. In a cave. There were a lot of us. Youth + teenagers. It was fun, enjoying the view and the sand. Then came this girl, she surprised me, because she wasn’t supposed to be around town. Oh yeah, she was a friend of mine. Let’s name her Ms. So Ms came, and she didn’t say hi or wave at us friends. She walked pass us, straight to the back to a girl, who in real life is not close to her at all (LOL). And they hugged and talked. I felt bad. I didn’t like being rejected. LOL. Okay anyways, so I had some time to talk to her personally. I was like hey I missed you, thanks for coming. And she said something like we’re not really friends anymore, and used a really really bad metaphor, something about a plate (which I only realised DIDN’T MAKE ANY SENSE when I woke up, but in the dream it felt like a sword cutting through my heart). So I went to the nearest bookstore (yes a bookstore on the beach), and sat down and was emo. That’s the whole drama of my dream hahahaha. It’s the type of dream I hate the most because I get worked up emotionally when I wake up, but realise it’s a stupid nonsensical dream, and then I hate myself for getting worked up emotionally on such nonsense.

Anyways, do you have such dreams? Gosh am I weird?





Yes I do have a Big GOD!

You know, I was feeling encouraged by this phrase. It’s a catchy phrase. Pretty popular now. Going around. If you’re a christian, or a facebook-, twitter-, tumblr-, instagram-, or any social platform -user, you’ve probably have heard of this phrase too.

But while I was showering, a thought came to my mind: How biblical is this ‘proverb‘?

I’ve given it some thought. Tried to think of biblical examples or verses that could help me out. Here are my thoughts.

1. Do I have a big God? All scripture and stories tend to point in that direction very specifically. So, yes, affirmative, absolutely.

2. Can I tell my problem that I have a big God? Yes, I think so. I kind of have two point of views in this. FIRSTLY, yes, we SHOULD tell our problems that we have a great God. For me personally, it increases my faith to do so. We can learn from David. Goliath was taunting David saying stuff like “you’re a nerd” and “I’ll stuff you down the toilet in 5 minutes” (1 Samuel 17). But David told his Huge Ginormous Problem and Enemies that “You come against me with sword and spear and javelin, but I come against you in the name of the Lord Almighty, the God of the armies of Israel, whom you have defied. This day the Lord will deliver you into my hands, and I’ll strike you down and cut off your head. This very day I will give the carcasses of the Philistine army to the birds and the wild animals, and the whole world will know that there is a God in Israel. All those gathered here will know that it is not by sword or spear that the Lord saves; for the battle is the Lord’s, and he will give all of you into our hands.” So this was big talk back in the day. What a daring thing to say from David, a little shepherd boy, to the enemy, all trained-to-kill soldiers. Well, we need to learn to be daring. So yes, Big talk boasting our God is actually good. BUT, here’s my SECOND thought: “Tell your problem you have a big God” makes God sound like a tool. Like a handy Solve-It-All. We’re so used to being fed and people taking care of our problems, that we don’t see the need to take our own action. You know, neither David nor Moses nor Abraham nor Paul nor anyone who were really spiritually mature just told their problem off and expected God to do the work. Could you say Job just sat around discussing his problems with his friends and scratching his itch with a stick? “Did he do anything? Yet God blessed him.” Yes, I think he DID do something. He had faith. And he stood his ground and told his friends that God is good and everything happens for a reason. You need lots of guts to say something that will make you look like a total idiot in front of your friends. And God appreciated that, and blessed Job. Little David told his enemies he had a supreme God, then he acted on his faith, and Sling-Bang-Boom (this is an awesome song btw. I loved this song while growing up. Still do). So we not only have to tell our problems we have a great God, we also gotta do something about it. God is not your nanny whose job is to clean up your soiled diapers.

3. Now last but not least. Where in the bible does it say not to tell God we have big problems? Well, I see the opposite a lot. Did you know, that all the people in the bible, ALL of them (even Jesus), were like us? Human. Problematic. Weak. And like us, they cried out to God. They told God they couldn’t take it any longer. They complained to God. Did God know we (and they) had problems? Yes. Did God know it was coming? Yes. Did we need to inform Him, saying “Hey God, just in case You didn’t see me down here, but I’m in a bit of a rough”? NO, He knows all things! But He WANTS us to come to Him. To cry aloud. To weep. To despair. To be crushed in our spirit. To be totally open and honest. To repent. He wants us to come to Him, longing for comfort. He’s the big father. And He’s never too busy for us. And He wants us to commune with Him. To have a relationship. And the most vital thing in a relationship is communication. Tell God. Sometimes we may feel like we’d be ridiculed by God. We may feel like telling God will look like this: Hey God. And He’d say yeah? Oh I got His attention, you think you can help me? God’d be like what about? And we’d say well my daddy and mommy are fighting again, and I feel like it’s my fault. And God’d be like *snickers* pfft come on. Your problem is like ten billion times smaller than mine. Grow up. And then we hear the disconnected dial tone. God is not like that. He LONGS, yes, let me repeat, LONGS for intimacy with us. He wants to be your daddy. And a real daddy is one who can listen to us and be totally honest with us, and one who we can be totally honest to too. Even with the itsy-bitsy issues. Right? So, yes, I’m pretty sure that God wants us to tell Him our problems. Even how big our problem is. In fact, I’ve noticed how lots of really good conversations with Him come out of this topic.

Anyways, as a conclusion, I’d say this ‘proverb’ Don’t tell God you have a big problem. Tell your problem you have a big God is a bust. It’s not very biblical. Sure, it makes us want to thank God for being there for us. But we don’t grow up in our character and maturity (because we may expect God to solve our impossible situation), and we don’t grow closer to God because we may not feel the need to cry out to Him.


Food for thought.


At your service


Whuat Fear? NO

Am I Afraid Of The Dark?



but i am afraid of the future.


i have this fear now.

in my heart.

like. whats gonna happen now?

i’m almost totally finished with college.

i have a degree in business administration with concentration of marketing.

(hire me?)

i’m entering the age that i have to be responsible for my image.

i have to act mature and as if i have everything in control.

i cant be happy-go-lucky anymore.

i cant be vulnerable anymore.


i have to be responsible for getting my career path right.

i think thats the scariest.

my career path.

its a whole road of my life.

but the first step is so important.

how is it possible to know what im good for?

how is it possible to know what i’m ultimately here on earth for?


God help me.

God guide my hands and feet.

to take the right actions and walk your paved path.


i dunno what new things to commit to.

i’m interested in learning the drums.

yet, should i improve in my bass first?

i’m interested to teach maths.

yet, should i do something that i actually got a degree for?

i want to dedicate my time to writing blogs for you people.

yet, is it a waste of my and your time?


i’m interested to invest time into people, especially those who call me leader.

yet, i’m afraid i’ll commit, but not be able to fulfill my commitments.







In moments like these,

I’ll sing out a song,

I’ll sing out a love song to Jesus~



Whuat? Christmas?

Recently On The doctorbutterfly Show…


I just watched Looper.

It’s a movie.


Not the best movie in the world.

But above average.


I just had my last class last friday.

so i have no more classes for the rest of my life…


you see.

i might take up giving math tuition.


i love math.

and i think i’m good at it.

i have yet to prove myself haha.


i might not.

since i DID take a degree in Business Admin, with more leaning towards the Marketing side of business studies.

so i should actually take up a marketing post somewhere.

i may also earn more money.

(because i need to start taking girls out for movies HAHAHA. I’m kidding… kidding)



i had my last class, but i’m still yet to have my exam paper.

i only have one this sem.


which is in exactly two weeks time.


my birthday is in exactly one week time.

see how i connected my paragraph there? no? oh well. it was fun while it lasted.

i hope i get nice stuff for my birthday.

wait. actually,

i hope i get stuff that i need for my birthday.

i like things that i need more than things that i like.


whatever i get, i need to be grateful.

and i thank God that I get to live this long.


i washed the bathroom today.

i’m so proud of my cleaning abilities.

but of course, i didnt give it my 100% today.

that sounds weird. no one rates their performance for chores.


well, i’m weird and i dont mind being called weird because its the truth.

anyways, i was feeling very bothered and i was in my holiday mood so i didnt clean as focused as i could have.

but still. its pretty clean i must say.


to them girls who think boys who can clean and cook are hawwttt, i’m your man. Kabawwwng!


this week will be a busy week.

wed, prayer meeting.

thur, children christmas party rehearsals.

fri, caroling practice.

sat, wedding + wedding dinner of a good old friend.

sun, date with my mentors + farewell party for a friend.


i need more exercise.

i wish i had days where i dont have to worry about whether there will be dinner or not and just go and do some sports with friends.

i may not be good in sports at all,

but i do enjoy it alot.




i wanna watch them movies that are outttt!


im in such a dilemma here.

first of all. i’m practically on holidays.

second. there actually are more than 3 good movies out now.

third. i dont want to use my parents money on un-needed things.

and this is un-needed.

and it hurts me to have to turn down dinners, hang outs, and movie invitations, just because i know that i’ll have to spend some money.

it sucks to have friends always tell me what a loser i am for always turning them down, or just not being able to join.

worse thing is that when friends post stuff on fb, i actually tell them honestly that i DO want to join!

i DO want to enjoy the good food, good entertainment, and good company.

but i never say that its because i cant waste my parents money like that.

i dont want people to feel compelled to spend money on me.

so i just refuse to go.

i’m sorry people.

such is the situation i am in. i know it sucks.

but i have to face it like a man.

and you have to suffer my un-presence.


so i learned this in church a few days ago from my pastor

“Humility is not weakness, it is great power and strength under control”

I really enjoy Pastor Lee Lee’s preaching.


you know, i have this close friend.

and it seems like he’s having a super tough time with his parents.

he doesnt live with them now.

he’s working outstation.

and recently he posted a status update that really made me worried because i think its about his dad.

and then someone with the same name as his dad comments on that status a really negative comment.

since i have no idea what his dad looks like or his dad’s full name, i’m just guessing its him.

and the comment was quite fitting to my guess.

and if it really was his dad, it would be very very sad indeed.

all i can do is pray.

so because he’s my close friend, i asked.

i asked if he was fine and what was going on.

and he didnt want to tell me.

that makes me super sad and super angry.

i dont even know how to start.

anyways, i really do love this guy.

and i want him to change.

and i want him to grow close to God.

and i want him to find his place in God again.


ok so thats all i want to update today haha.

if you have any questions for me.

do leave a comment.