Proverbs 31:10 (NKJV) Who can find a virtuous wife? For her worth is far above rubies.
Tag: marriage
Lovers Are Losers
I Corinthians 13:1-7,13
Though I speak with the tongues of men and of angels, and have not charity, I am become as sounding brass, or a tinkling cymbal. And though I have the gift of prophecy, and understand all mysteries, and all knowledge; and though I have all faith, so that I could remove mountains, and have not charity, I am nothing. And though I bestow all my goods to feed the poor, and though I give my body to be burned, and have not charity, it profiteth me nothing.
Charity suffereth long, and is kind; charity envieth not; charity vaunteth not itself, is not puffed up, Doth not behave itself unseemly, seeketh not her own, is not easily provoked, thinketh no evil; Rejoiceth not in iniquity, but rejoiceth in the truth; Beareth all things, believeth all things, hopeth all things, endureth all things.
And now abideth faith, hope, charity, these three; but the greatest of these is charity.
I hope some of you are going “Huh? What?” to those verses up there. That’s probably because of the Old English from the King James Version of the bible. This is a famous chapter about Love.
Lots and lots of marriage ceremonies use these words. But wait a minute. You don’t see the word ‘Love’ even once? Shame on you.
I’m sure we’re all familiar with “Love is patient and is kind; love does not envy. Love does not brag, is not proud, doesn’t behave itself inappropriately, does not seek its own way, is not provoked, takes no account of evil; doesn’t rejoice in unrighteousness, but rejoices with the truth; bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things. Love never fails…” So on and so forth. That sounds really good. Righteous, even. But for me, in context of how we use the word ‘LOVE’ today, people don’t get the gravity of what those words actually say.
These days, we use ‘love’ to explain a lovey dovey happy feeling inside that is an outcome rather than a cause. An Outcome!? A Feeling!? Shame on you again. People (old people especially) that have been through tough times know that love is not backing out of a relationship even when outcome or feeling says differently. It could be any love relationship; spouse, family, friends, car, house, or even for your country. It means Choosing and Standing Firm. Choice is not an outcome, choice happens right at the beginning before any action or word can even start.
But I’m sure you’re still wondering, why did I share that verse in King James Version? I’m sure you can see, the difference is the word Charity. Have you ever heard that ‘God Is Charity’? No? Me neither.
Think about this, as I said earlier, these days love is a feeling. Charity, however, is action, not a feeling. These days charity means giving to the poor. It also means losing something for someone else. A LOSS! The moment we hear the word charity, we cringe inside. Why? Because it is in our culture to ‘look out for number one’, me. Ouch. We’re just more used to saying “I’m already running low this month” rather than “I can skip one lunch so that you can have one”.
Think about this. In your mind, I’m sure you have two very different definitions of Love and Charity. List them down. Could be feeling, action, point of view, outcome, choice, giving, how much of giving, when, who, what, how low one stoops, how much patience needed, yada yada yada… I dunno how you want to compare those two words. Anyway! Now comparatively, answer me this “God is -”?
Some of you can say that charity is a quality that comes out of love and all that, which is totally true. But people like the word love and not the word charity! You know, I do see God more as an actions kind of guy. Not only that, He can be angry, sad, happy, proud, or ashamed of me, but He will still work miracles around me and through me. He still makes sure I’m well and healthy and clothes me and feeds me and allows me to have friends and family. Even when He knows I’m disobeying Him, or when I’m an idiot, or when I’m even trying to run away from Him. What is that? Is that a strong feeling towards me? Or a choice: That I’m His son no matter what.
This is a good reminder for me that love is not a feeling but an action. And it’s not even an action based on an outcome. Love is just an action because of choice: A responsibility. An oath. A sacrifice. A LOSS! A devotion. A hope. Despite everything or anything that has happened or might happen. Wow. “I love you” is now “I choose you” and not “I feel for you,” or “I prefer you the most”. A union in marriage with this kind of love sounds very powerful to me. Same as in family and in friendship.
“If I speak with the languages of men and of angels, but do not have love, I have become sounding brass, or a clanging cymbal. If I have the gift of prophecy, and know all mysteries and all knowledge; and if I have all faith, so as to remove mountains, but do not have love, I am nothing. If I dole out all my goods to feed the poor, and if I surrender my body so that I may boast, but do not have love, it profits me nothing.
Love is patient and is kind; love does not envy. Love does not brag, is not proud, doesn’t behave itself inappropriately, does not seek its own way, is not provoked, takes no account of evil; doesn’t rejoice in unrighteousness, but rejoices with the truth; bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things. Love never fails… But now faith, hope, and love remain-these three. The greatest of these is love.”
That sounds pretty different now doesn’t it?
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The System Of Love
I believe that God is patient.
Someone once shared that a guy needs to make a move on a girl quick. Or else the girl would have moved on to another guy. One argument is that ‘Oh, God’s timing is perfect’ and if she is the one, she’ll break up with the other guy and come back. Another argument is that if a guy is slow or fearful or is oblivious to her, he’s not worth keeping anyways. I don’t disagree with either. Nor do I agree with any of those statements. I do believe that God has perfect timing. And I also do believe that a guy does have to make a move. But…. I don’t think those are defining of what love is in any way. Or a good lover choosing system. That’s not how God works. I’m not gonna pretend that I’m a love expert, or even a God expert.
But do think I know what God says about a bride and bridegroom. Years ago, and I mean really many years ago, I believe God instituted arranged marriage. It can’t possibly be a perfect system, because we people aren’t perfect. And letting people decide who you love? Uggh… Gives you the shivers huh? But that’s because people’s view of ‘freedom’ is so distorted now. Everything is all about ‘self’ now. That’s why we always ask people not to ‘judge’ us; because we’re ‘supposed’ to be making mistakes. Seriously, there are a lot of flaws with that view. Anyways, as I was saying, marriage used to be arranged. But, here’s the thing. I would actually agree with that system for a few reasons.
One thing about the arranged marriage that I totally whole-heartedly believe in is that both the bride and groom doesn’t use their time to ‘look’ and ‘test’ people out, but instead uses their time and energy to PREPARE themselves for when the time comes. Some of you agree that we have to be ready. A lot of us have had break-ups because we weren’t ready. But one thing you don’t see, is that, the only way we can BE ready, is to READY ourselves. NOT by trying out, or testing people. Or ‘experiencing love’. You know, breaking up really uses up a lot of energy and emotions, and we also use time to recover.
I know that I have to be responsible to be ready when the TIME comes. The type of girl I want to marry is one who has spent her life preparing to be married to the bridegroom who has spent his life preparing to be married to that type of girl. And I can’t marry her if I’m not ready can I? Time is annoying. We can’t control it. We can’t go back in time. We can’t linger in the present. And we can’t see what is to come. Worse thing about time though? We’ve figured it all out, Seriously, but we still act as though we have no idea how time works. We make the same mistakes. We try to capture the moment. AND We don’t prepare ourselves for what is to come. Man, we humans are dumb. The best thing I can give my future spouse, is the best of me. Edges roughed. Smart. Experienced. Able. Close to God. I want to be on an adventure that I can bring her with me. I want to be able to be lead by God easily so that I can lead her. I want to be the best me so I can give her the best love. I don’t want the best her to ‘fit’ me and ‘match’ me and to ‘love me in all my weaknesses…’ and blah blah blah.
Since I mentioned ‘testing’ people out earlier, I have one thing to say. This dating culture is a really self glorifying system. It’s all about ‘ME’. And how I can find what’s good for me. I mean, okay, it is good to search for what’s good for us, and what fills that emptiness in our hearts. But we’re searching for it in all the wrong places. And the world is telling us that they’ve figured it out, but their solution to love drives people down foxholes. Foxholes where both parties get hurt and scarred and weak and in need of recovery. And then, the world provides a solution for recovery that drives people down even deeper foxholes that do the same thing. Sigh. I’m sorry if my post isn’t really getting anywhere. Let me try to explain. Being so obsessed with self is really bad for health. Mentally, emotionally, physically and even spiritually. It makes us make all sorts of bad decisions, that we’ll regret later. Problem with the world today, we don’t know we’re obsessed with ourselves, because it’s the norm. Hmmm. Ask me why I think this next time we meet. So, let’s take the ‘me’ out of dating, and I think dating can be a super good thing. Whatever we do, love. Not expect love. But give. That’ll make any one on one time a really lovely place to be.
In fact, if I was charged to arrange the marriage of my child, I would like him or her, to actually go out on dates with this potential in law. Because the centered attention time does open people up in ways that group activities can’t. And well, I would actually like my daughter’s view of this gentleman, before I hand her over to be wed. But here’s another thing I like about the arranged marriage system. Is that the parent is the one who does the filtering of who has a chance and who doesn’t. This saves a lot of emotional, mental, physical, and spiritual damage for the likes of you and me. Seriously, if I had a girl at the age of 16 who told me I didn’t know anything about love, I would consider sending her to a logic therapist. Just because an adult didn’t go through what you’re going through, doesn’t mean he doesn’t understand the danger of what you’re doing. All adults have friends who have fallen into the same temptation, trouble, or, well… love… that you are facing. And if that isn’t enough, they can actually give an out of the box, logical, mature point of view. Youth now don’t want to trust parents or teachers or pastors, sometimes just adults in general. They feel that the ‘generational gap’ keeps the two sides from seeing at eye level. Well, this ‘generational gap’ is actually what keeps the youth dumb and the adults saying ‘I told you so’. If I was charged with the marriage of my son, I would make a list of qualities I’d want to see in that girl, and actually keep to that list. Most of us have lists already. And these lists are always pretty spot on with what should be. But… we never remember that list, do we? It’s good to have an adult or two we can trust to keep us in check. And also keep us alive, emotionally.
Also, on another level. If I did a good job preparing myself for marriage, and if my parents were good parents, protecting me and teaching me good ways, I’m sure lots of parents would want their daughters to be candidates for a spouse eh? And if you took to loving instead of looking for love, the candidates themselves would come to you too. I’m serious, that’s the logic of nature.
So, prepare yourself for your bride or bridegroom. Time can be your friend. Let love be an outward action, not an expectation. You can trust adults, especially those who gave up their lives to love you even before having a single clue about who you are or how you’d turn out.
I personally think God’s system sound a lot more logical than the world’s ’emotional’ ‘selfish’ system (You can disagree of course, this is personal opinion). Love has never been about emotions. Emotion is just the dessert. So it should come afterwards. Not before. And it should make the meal taste wonderful and complete. Not kill the taste even before it starts. Okay fine, that’s not a 100% an accurate analogy, because surely there is emotion throughout the friendship/courtship/marriage course. But I hope you know what I mean about not letting emotion be the main meal or the reason for a love relationship.
Anyways. My dad asked me to sleep. I know right.
To close, I shall make a dry toast. Dry, because I have no liquid to drink with. But a toast nonetheless.
Here’s to you, my lady to whom I may have the honor of marrying one day. I do not have a clue who you are. But I believe Time is my friend, and that he’ll whisper your name to me when God lets him.
Heck, I think he’ll whisper to my parents, mentors, and spiritual buddies too, just in case.
Thanks God for teaching me to trust people to judge me. Because they are also the ones who will judge me well, and judge well of me.
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All Staff Message – Breaking the Sound Barrier
LOVE & RELATIONSHIP & LOVE & RELATIONSHIP & LOVE & RELATIONSHIP & LOVE & RELATIONSHIP
i hope you like my title for today.
as you can tell.
i think we as human beings tend to focus alot on love and relationship.
is that a good thing or bad thing?
answer.
it is in fact a super good thing.
but wait, you think i was going to talk about how focusing on love and relationship so much can make u an emo person and ruin your life?
that is also true.
but we have to.
we’ve been built this way.
Fact #1
God built us for 1 purpose:
LOVE & RELATIONSHIP.
if you ask someone what life is about
or what defines their life
it prolly goes back to what they love doing, who they love, and who & what they associate with.
love and relationship.
family, job, friends, and beliefs.
of course, they dont CALL it a love & a relationship.
its just life.
basic.
most people equate love and relationship as boyfriend-girlfriend-spouse-husband-wife relationship.
it DOES make sense for us to love this topic and this train of thought so much,
because it touches us deep inside.
we all want it.
we all crave for it.
we just love being loved.
because we were made this way.
Problem #1
The Devil wants us to think that LOVE means “relationship with that special ONE man or woman.”
what happened to love being how we put up with our family?
what happened to love being the reason why we help our neighbors?
what happened to love being the reason we just feel compassionate for the needy?
what happened to love being the reason why we took that job?
what happened to love being sharing even when we are in need?
what happened to love being forgiveness and acceptance?
what happened to love being about pride in our family even when there are disagreements?
what happened to love being the bond between best friends?
what happened to love being the reason we are alive?
what happened to GOD’s Definition of love?
HE IS LOVE.
He created us to love Him and love those around us.
not just give focus on that one person.
no.
that is immature.
thats not what life is about.
one man or woman you decide to marry.
oh all my focus and life will be dedicated to you.
that sounds nice bro.
but God created us to have a greater life purpose than just that.
we seriously put so much passion and time and devotion and thought and energy into this love stuff.
wanna know why?
Fact #2 (that is basically a repeat of Fact #1)
We were BORN to put so much passion and time and devotion and thought and energy into this love stuff.
we love thinking about these things. and we should.
God created us this way.
all the devil needs to do is divert our attention on what we love.
(When we focus on that over God, it becomes idolatry: Mr devils #1 weapon of mass destruction)
its so easy.
what do we love?
its so easy for us to focus on loving our spouse or potential spouse
(because thats what the devil is telling us to focus on)
so easy to give it so much attention.
the devil is saying:
you prolly dont get enough love and attention that you should at home,
look at what drama and books are saying.
they all say the same thing. and if they say the same thing, its prolly true eh?
so where do the books and movies and drama tell us love is?
love is in that cute guy over there.
he’ll treat me right.
acceptance is in that cute girl over there.
she gives me happy tinglings when i talk to her.
feeling loved just like in the movies makes me excited!
The devil tells us that’s what love is.
AUTOMATICALLY, we will pursue love (we were born that way remember?).
we just need a gentle nudging.
the devil knows that.
he knows all the right buttons.
Problem #2
By that time we have given it too much Unnecessary attention and passion,
we’d be too worn out to care and love other things.
tell me if you did this today:
did you think about the lost?
did you think about the people who had no opportunity for studies?
did you think about how you can be a better son or daughter?
did you think about just being a better person for people around you?
did you think about being a good christian?
did you think about having a holy life to make God happy?
did you think about that girl that is soooo interestingly beautiful and you just cant put your finger on why she attracts you so much even though you’ve been telling people that that sort of girl is not your type?
i tell you the truth.
i’m guilty of spending too much time and energy thinking about girls that could potentially be my spouse.
Exercise #1
Find out what you’ve been thinking about, planning, and getting all excited over all day today, yesterday, the day before that, and most of the time for as long as you remember.
That may very well have become your idol.
As A Conclusion:
i call this topic of “love with a man or woman for marriage”, BGR.
Boy/Girl Relationship.
i dont call it LOVE or RELATIONSHIP.
sure BGR is a category under LOVE & RELATIONSHIP.
but love and relationship is so so much more than just that.
its a great conversational topic.
i love it in fact!
i really do.
but i think its really unhealthy to be dwelling on it too much.
we love this topic because it is our passion.
sure.
but we have to develop our other passions as well.
like a love and relationship with our parents, siblings, children, cousins, friends, best friends, acquaintances, colleagues, neighbors, classmates, the poor, the sick, our government, its ministers, the foreigners, the illegal immigrants, and most importantly, JESUS.
my hope for you from today onwards is that you be on the watch.
be watchful for the subtle lies of the enemy.
the gentle nudges that make us feel good and feel right and feel loved.
check it against the word of God.
LOVE is a big word.
Relationship is a big word.
we were created for a relationship with God and with people around us.
not JUST that one person.
also one last note.
is what your boyfriend doing to you called love?
is being accepted by your friends even if they ask you to do stupid things called love?
is the way your parents treat you called love?
want to find out what love REALLY is?
Movies, drama, books have it all wrong bro.
find out in the bible.
all the answers are there.
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Sex
So we had a teen forum about sex.
It was separated by gender though. Boys in one room and girls in the other.
Very interesting questions. Eye opening answers.
Questions by the participants will be italicized. Participants in this case are all teenage boys. Answers are not by me, but by married men. I wrote them down. =)
And now I will share it (take note that some of the answers and questions have been altered to be more specific or understandable by readers).
Let us begin.
Why sex?
– Sex is God’s command. It is mentioned in the first chapter of the first book in the bible.
If we have already had sex, and we are in regret. What next? How to reconcile?
– Come before God, repent. Turn Around. Total Breakoff. Don’t do it again. An act of sexual intercourse is a soul tie. There’s no such thing as a ‘One night stand’.
– For girls, there’s a second chance virginity. To be holy for marriage.
– Don’t feel condemned (The devil tells us we are not good enough). Talk to leaders and mentors. If you don’t have any, find one. Good spiritual mentors.
– God gives second chances.
Is it a sin to create babies without sexual intercourse? Sperm injection.
– Bringing babies into the world is a serious matter. Life. Soul. Not good. It is a selfish act. Better to just adopt a child.
“Don’t flirt with temptation. Because it opens up doors to sin.”
Making out, heavy petting. Sin?
– Yes. As long as we look at a girl lustfully, it is a sin. There is no way we can make out and do heavy petting with a girl without imagining things or arousing ourselves.
Masturbation?
– Sin. The sin is in what you think. To masturbate, we have to think of the action. That is sin. And we have to think of doing it with someone. That is also sin. Bible says “if your eye causes you to sin, gouge it out and throw it away.” And “if your hand—even your stronger hand—causes you to sin, cut it off and throw it away.” Why did it talk about the hand? Because he was referring to masturbation.
If I masturbate, am I still a virgin? What is a virgin?
– Definition of a virgin? For guys it doesn’t matter.
– Our priority. Who do we hurt when we masturbate? God or wife? or both?
Oral Sex?
– Wrong.
Wet Dreams?
– We can’t control our dreams. But we have to check ourselves. We are visual beings. Where did the visual ideas come from? Only if we’ve seen or imagined things, then we will dream it.
“We Struggle because we always Entertain the thoughts“
What is the physical problems with sex before marriage?
– Many times we hear that oh it’s okay to have sex since we will be getting married anyways. But there is NO GUARANTEE. Even the night before the wedding, you’re still not married yet. One of you can still run off or cheat on you.
– We violate a person.
– Condom safe sex is a myth.
– STDs. Herpes, HPV, AIDS. Some through touch, some through fluids, some through blood.
– Oral sex CAN transfer STDs.
Homosexuals. “I’m gay but I don’t practice it”. Do gays go to heaven? How to encourage a gay friend to change?
– No gays do not go to heaven. But God can forgive sins if repentant.
– These people usually have an absent father or father figure in their lives.
– Definition of gay: in an intimate relationship with someone of the same sex. Even if no intercourse.
– Accept gays as friend. DO NOT CONDEMN THEM. Gay has the same weight of sin as any sin, even stealing or lying. He is as much a sinner as you. Don’t condemn. If you cant be patient with them, DON’T try to help them with their problem. They need extra care and patience.
– If you are gay? God did not make you that way. It is a psychological problem and can be cured.
How to deny the thoughts? HOW TO STOP?!?!?!
– Two possibilities: 1. Supernatural power of God; a miracle! 2. Work super hard.
– “Bounce your eyes” The eyes will automatically detect a girl and bounce towards her. But you have to bounce it away right after that.
– Stop feeding the SUMO inside. We are fighting against a supernatural Sumo wrestler who is bigger and stronger than us. Every time we go head to head against it, we will lose. Instead, we need to starve it. Stop feeding the Sumo Wrestler the visual and the imagination it needs to grow. Slowly slowly, one day we will beat him.
“The best gift we can give our wife or husband is our virginity“
There is hope. We can be fixed. 