Will We Ever Understand Him?

God works in mysterious ways

Three Sad Emoji Worthy Thoughts I Had Between Yesterday And Now

Any position I lie down on seems to hurt. Gosh. When is this fever really gonna leave me?

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You know, I really hate that I ‘need’ to outsmart people before they outsmart me. In this money-centered dog-eat-dog world. 

I’m just glad that the Forever that I’m going to be living in has no such company or organisation. Or people.

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I miss reading comics and novels.

Focus

I have to admit. I have been putting a lot of focus on everything else other than God. Relationships, work, and even ministry. I’m taking God for granted. So here are a few things I think I need to start doing:

1. Read. I need to take some alone time to improve myself. Intellectually and spiritually. I do have some books at home, not a lot, but enough spiritual and ministry books to keep me occupied for the year or so. It would also definitely help me understand God more and keep me close to Him.
2. Write. I’ve always wanted to teach and say something. I just got to do it. Probably need to take time out to blog again. I still have a draft blog post from a devotion that I wrote for about a month, but haven’t finished.
3. Wake up earlier to pray. I notice that I pray more in the morning after I wake than than at night before I sleep. So I guess I’m more focused in the mornings. The only problem is my life culture is just that I do all my extracurricular activities at night. So I end up doing everything that takes up extra time till late at night, and find it very difficult to wake up early. Which means: SLEEP EARLY. Also, mornings have a fresh morning smell that helps connect me to a thankful mood a lot easier.

What else should I do? I don’t know. These 3 things are hard enough. Thank you.

 

Here’s a post I read today about Christ increasing and I decreasing. Good advice.

 

Next

Hey friends, that’s you. Things may get a bit more hectic this year. I’m gonna be changing my job starting Feb. Interesting transition. I’ve only been offered about two and a half weeks ago. And I decided last week. Sent my resignation letter to my current boss the moment I decided. Of course, as with any kind of change I’m faced with, I have this deep inner fear from my stomach that comes up and crawls under my skin. I’m not kidding. It feels like that. Always. Especially when I have to do something important. Changing a job is an important event. Anyway, I hope I do well there. It’s one step up my ‘corporate life ladder’. Which always means more responsibility and more stress and more focus needed. Focus? GAH. I’m gonna try my best anyway. I will make mistakes and forget stuff and make a fool of myself. But I have to remind myself what I’ve recently reminded a dear friend of mine, to be successful is to fail and to try and try again.

I hope you’re rocking your life.

If not, take courage and make the best out of what you have! Bring God with you.

Cheerio!

To Be, Or Not To Be What You Wanted To Be

Did your kindergarten school teacher ask you what you’d like to be when you grew up? Mine did. I wrote down in my book (actually, I’m pretty sure my mom wrote it for me, cuz I couldn’t spell it) that I wanted to be a surgeon. That was my first ambition. Then, I wanted to be a scientist. An inventor to be exact. Down the line, I desired to be a comedian, an actor, a writer, a business man, a spy, a soldier, a librarian, a director, a mathematician, a tutor, and a power ranger. And I’ve even considered being politician and a pastor. I realise now that I have a pretty whacked childhood imagination.

It’s fun to grow up, find out my strengths and weaknesses (with this I cross out probability of most of my ambitions), and see doors open and doors shut, and even being thrust into some doors I never would imagine would open. For example, I’m a musician now more than most of those ambitions I’ve ever had. And I’ve never thought of being a musician.

It’s cool how God puts me on a path to finding myself. The real me. The me that God planned for long long time ago. It’s even cooler to realise that God is probably the one who placed those crazy ambitions on my heart in the first place. Because, I honestly see myself doing a little bit of all those ambitions I had now. Though I don’t qualify as a professional in any area now. But I know that God will use me and continue to mold me (not mold me THEN use me, mind you) into that perfect creation He planned in His original ‘Blueprint of Aaron Heng’.

I just have to allow it to happen and not mess it up too bad. No pressure.

Dear Old Aaron,

You know, I’m not enjoying my job right now. Just as a confession. I have a great boss, and don’t misunderstand, I am super grateful to God for this job. But I’m just not looking forward to tomorrow morning.
I guess one reason is because I just don’t see myself doing this all my life. I don’t see me as an office worker. When I was looking for a job, it was hard when people asked me what work I wanted to do, because I can’t really do what I like doing. Not only that, my friend was telling me that I shouldn’t be looking for a job, but for a career.
That’s good, solid advice, but I just feel deep in my heart that God wants me to figure things out first. I gotta remember that I don’t have my skillset, life, and direction, figured out yet. So who’s to tell me what my ‘career path’ is?
I actually do long to be in the ministry. I’m pretty sure I have a heart for the youth and/or the teenagers. But I’m pretty sure God wants me to not go fulltime yet. I feel like He probably wants reveal me to me, slowly, out in the business world first (I’m not the only one who’s told me that btw), Train me in my giftings and talents, And expose me in the needed areas, Before I go fulltime into whatever God has called me into.
Here’s my reminder to you, future Aaron, as I lie here on my bed, being unexcited and not looking forward to day 4 of work tomorrow, remember why you’re in the business world. For now. It’s to figure out what God has planned. God will probably be molding you to be ready for your prime time ministry. This prime time may only be for a few years when you’re super old. Or it may happen when you’re young. You/ I’ll never know for sure eh? It took Jesus 30 years working as a carpenter on weekdays, and probably being a youth worker or some ministry worker on the weekends, to be ready for His prime ministry that only lasted 3 years.
30 years of perfection/maturity growth.
So old Aaron, look to God. Rest assured that your hope is not lost. God has a plan. Your dreams can come true, no matter how non-profitable it may sound. And you’re on the right track, as long as you’re willing to obey Him. Yet, keep dreaming. Also, Lean not on your own understanding. And don’t get too comfortable with where you are now.

Old Aaron, if you’re reading this, it means you’re in the future. For sure. It also means you’re alive. It means opportunity to grow/learn. It means opportunity bless/serve. It means opportunity to be a gentleman. It means please keep wasting energy on loving people, no matter how painful and tiring it is.

Old Aaron,

Doctorbutterfly at your service

RSS Feeds + Random Thoughts

For those of you who hasn’t fully realised it yet, it’s October. Beginning of the 4th quarter of 2013. Congratulations for those of you who have survived with me so far.

 

Anyways, first thing I’d like to rant about today is my WordPress RSS feed reader. For your information, an RSS feed is where I can follow updates by blogs, websites, or news, or whatever.

So, I use my WordPress Reader. All new posts or updates from blogs and websites I follow are supposed to appear on it. But I tell you, it’s slow. What I mean by that is that, 1st of all, it doesn’t appear immediately when updated. That’s actually okay. I don’t really mind as much. Except that some posts get MISSED! And then appear later on. Which means, yesterday I’ve scrolled through and read through my updates, let’s say I see 5 blog posts. But today, when I open my reader, I noticed that I’ve missed TWO posts. So there were supposed to be SEVEN posts yesterday. That’s a real inconvenience, since I’ll have to scroll through previous days just to see if I’ve missed some feeds. GOSH. WordPress, please create a more powerful reader tool. Thank you.

 

Secondly, I’d like to update you about my job status. Looking for a job is easy. I have lots of places resources to find out who’s looking for suitable candidates to fill up vacancies. Applying is a lot of work, but not a problem. No, the problem is that companies are not replying me! They aren’t even telling me if I failed to get the job! Come on. But keep praying for me people. Thanks. I believe God has a good plan for me.

 

Next, I shall talk about a nightmare I had. It wasn’t much of a nightmare, more like a scary dream. But yet it wasn’t really a scary dream, just a scary type of dream. Get my drift? It was about a trip. To the beach? (I put a question mark because my dreams are full of question marks. I have no idea why or what things are in my dream LOL.) I think it was a rocky / sandy / cave-y sort of beach. Yeah, there were caves. I think we camped in one. LOL. Hmmm… come to think of it, I think we started out as a normal camp. We were camping in wooden houses. And we went to the beach. And then camped there. In a cave. There were a lot of us. Youth + teenagers. It was fun, enjoying the view and the sand. Then came this girl, she surprised me, because she wasn’t supposed to be around town. Oh yeah, she was a friend of mine. Let’s name her Ms. So Ms came, and she didn’t say hi or wave at us friends. She walked pass us, straight to the back to a girl, who in real life is not close to her at all (LOL). And they hugged and talked. I felt bad. I didn’t like being rejected. LOL. Okay anyways, so I had some time to talk to her personally. I was like hey I missed you, thanks for coming. And she said something like we’re not really friends anymore, and used a really really bad metaphor, something about a plate (which I only realised DIDN’T MAKE ANY SENSE when I woke up, but in the dream it felt like a sword cutting through my heart). So I went to the nearest bookstore (yes a bookstore on the beach), and sat down and was emo. That’s the whole drama of my dream hahahaha. It’s the type of dream I hate the most because I get worked up emotionally when I wake up, but realise it’s a stupid nonsensical dream, and then I hate myself for getting worked up emotionally on such nonsense.

Anyways, do you have such dreams? Gosh am I weird?

Librarian

I had an odd dream last night. It went a little like this.

… Me and a group of friends reached a river. I think I had my school things. Papers, books, maybe a file. I’m not sure. Then I wanted to cross. But the water was too strong. We saw a bridge in the middle of the river that connects to the side of the river that we wanted to go. But why it wasn’t connected to this side… Sigh, i have weird dreams. Anyways. I put my stuff down on the river bank. Then, tried to cross again. But the mossy rocks underneath were too slippery. So I took off my slippers. Why was I wearing them to cross the river in the first place beats me. Then… I suddenly remember being across the river already. I dunno if I reached the bridge or what. Hmmm. Okay, seems like I’m dry too. As I was walking towards shops, I see quite a number of people walk into this particular shop. So I walk into that shop too. It’s like a Christian bookshop. Selling all sorts of random stuff that aren’t books as well. After I went in, I realised (more like I realised after I’ve awoken. During the dream I didn’t notice lol) I don’t know where all the other customers are. Seems like it’s just me and the boss in here. So I talk to him. Somehow I mentioned that I’m looking for a job and I asked if he had any vacancies. He said he did. And he was paying an amount I was looking for. So I told him I’d like to work there. He then started to tell me all the things I had to take care of. I felt overwhelmed. Like “this is too many things to do” and “why don’t you have more people working here?”
Then I woke up. Wondering what that dream was all about.
P.s. Yes all my dreams are weird and each scene don’t seem to be related to one another.

Doctorbutterfly at your service

Reading, The New Business Trend

It’s about time I wrote about something to do with business (actually it really isn’t).

Here’s how it’s gonna go. Ever thought about “what if I could start my own business? What would it be? And what rules and regulations would I enforce?” I definitely have thought of it. In fact, I do like to think of it, because my ideas tend to get a bit out of hand, so it’s quite amusing.

If I were to start my own business (which I eventually would want to), one thing I’d implement would be the One-Hour-Read time. If I ever implemented music into my office (very probable, and I’d be the DJ as well), this would be the only 60 minutes where music or other noises would not be heard from the surround sound speakers throughout the office. Reading hour would start from 8am to 9am. Then only would daily meetings, briefings, and business activities start at 9am.

What would they be reading? You know, the newspapers, novels they have yet to catch up on, blogs they follow, (no facebooking, not counted), news websites, devotionals if they didn’t get to in the morning, bible, self help books, newsletters, magazines, up to them really. Not only that, I will encourage them to write too. Yes, simple journalling. After reading whatever they have read, they can process their thoughts and they could write it in their diary, or share their thoughts on a blog. Up to them. No pressure. But reading is a must.

Conversations would not be encouraged. Unless really really necessary. It’s supposed to be a hush time. “Good morning”s and “Good to see you”s are okay. Sleeping is not allowed too. Toilet and coffee breaks are allowed all around.

What about those who really won’t want to read and would come late for work? Well. They’r late for work. 8am is when the work timer starts. So they would need to replace, or… whatever the consequences of being late is.

What’s the point in this? I don’t know. You decide.

 

 

So, that’s a tiny taste of what I’d like my office to look like in the future. How would you like your business setting to be?

 

I may do more of these posts on business (not that I’m a pro LOL). Anyways, I’ve been getting a bit more traffic on this blog recently. Hooray.

Unworthy

Been thinking about life more than usual again… And well, for my failures, I don’t feel worthy of the good friends I have. I don’t feel good enough for the jobs I may be applying for. Nor do I feel like a good son or sibling. I’m definitely not doing well in my spiritual life. Which means I’m not good enough to be called God’s child. His blessed one. His work of art. How can i be like this and be part of God’s plan and mighty movement?

Well, it is a choice isn’t it? I can take off my baggage and jump on the J-train. Or I can dig into my pity hole and keep begging for mercy.

What should I do?